The Phantom of the Opera
by coopachan
Summary: The phatom of the opera is back, boi! read about the famous play, TPOHO, which the loved naruto character's giving a new, hip hop twist! AU
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or the Phantom of the Opera.

Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated, so review!

The cast is:

Naruto- the Phantom

Sakura- Christine

Sasuke- Raoul (don't know how to spell it…)

Neji and Shikamaru- new opera owners

Ino- Cordelia

Tenten- Cristine's friend

(and other characters to come!)

**The Phantom of the Opera**

There once was a boy who was very ugly, but he could rap like heck!... and sing too. No one liked him since he was so hideously deformed and mutilated, so his life was pretty much effed up. Some random place in Europe is where our story begins…

"I'm so glad we could have such a handsome child," the father said, standing next to his beautiful wife.

"About that…" the wife began.

"Lemme see him." The father lifted the baby from his wife's hands.

"Awwwwww – AAAAAWWWGGHHH!"

"He's not that ugly!" the wife remarked, but then took a second look at the child.

"Well, at least he's not ugly from _me. _"

"What? You're saying he looks like that from ME? You trippin'."

"No, he got from you're butt ugly mama where _you _got it from."

The father frowned. "Don't you be talking 'bout my mama, girl."

"Okay, I'll talk about your butt ugly father, who still ain't as ugly as your mama!"

"Uh-uh. Oh no you didn't."

And thus his life began…

"Yo yo yo! Ma homies!" Naruto stood in front of his mirror, rehearsing the lines he got off of the hip hop count down on MTV.

"BOY! Get your ugly arse down here!" his mother called from down the stairs.

"MUM!" Naruto bellowed, running down the stairs, "I hate it when you call me ugly! It emotionally abuses me!"

"Boy, have you taken a look in the mirror lately? And what I tell you about using those big words?"

Naruto sighed. Why was his mum always so mean?

"ANYWAY, I called you down here to tell you that you have to leave."

"What!"

"What, you can hear with all that ugly blocking your ears? You gotta leave."

"But, but why?" Naruto cried.

His mother rolled her eyes. "Why do you think?" She pushed him out into the night.

"Bye."

Naruto watched the door slam in his face.

"witch."

Naruto walked through a lonely alley, rapping random songs he heard, the only thing that gave him comfort.

"Guess who's back, back, back, back again-"

A random villager threw her window open. "Who art thou who raps so sweetly? Come! Step out into the light so that I may see your face!"

"Once she sees my face, she'll think I'm UGLY!" Naruto cried. He jumped behind a trash can.

"Hello? Hello?" the villager looked around. "well, screwth thou TOO!" The villager went back into her house in a huff.

Naruto sighed in relief, He continued to walk around in random directions when he saw a carnival.

"I see a carnival!" Naruto cried. He was always fascinated by them, being as though he had never been to one before.

Coopa's notes

So, you'd you like the first chapter? Please tell me what you think (whatever you think) straight out! And remember, reviewing is FUUUUUNNNNN!...


	2. The Amazing Ugly Fugly Boy Thing

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any songs I may have put in this fanfic.

And I don't think Naruto ugly, if anyone was wondering. He just plays an ugly character.

These are who's playing who just in case you forgot or something.

Naruto- Eric a.k.a the Phantom of the Opera

Sakura- Kristine

Sasuke- Raoul

Kakashi- Trusted advisor that helps Eric

Jiraiya- King of Arabia

(and other characters…)

And I used a really old song and I don't know the name of it, or if I even have the right lyrics, so if you can help me out in anyway concerning this, I would SERIOUSLY appreciate it.

Naruto walked around the carnival peering at all the carnival goodness. Unfortunately, Naruto's hideous ugly deformed mutilated face dispersed crowds where ever he went, and the carnival owner, who we shall refer to as Cheapo, was very distressed.

"Hey, you!" Cheapo shouted at Naruto, who was all but paying attention.

"Hey FUGLY!" Cheapo screamed.

A random guy started crying.

"The doctor at the face enhancement clinic said no one would notice!"

"Umm…" Cheapo watched the random guy run away. "What was I -- oh, right." Cheapo turned around and tapped Naruto on the shoulder.

Naruto turned around. "Hi!"

Cheapo winced at the hideousness of Naruto's face. "Hey, kid—"

"Hey, wait! You're not being repelled by my hideously ugliness! HOORAH!"

Cheapo chuckled and patted Naruto on the back. "Kid, you ain't ugly. You FUGLY."

"Umm…" Naruto didn't know how to answer to that.

"You know what kid? I like you, and not just because I took out my contacts. You might be useful. How would you like to work for me?"

Naruto squinted at Cheapo. "Well, that's nice and all, but what are my benefits?"

"Uhhh…" Cheapo looked around a picked a peanut off of the floor. "This?"

"… I'll take it!"

Naruto sat in a cloaked cage with a rusty microphone in his hand. Cheapo hung a giant sign outside his cage.

"Come see the amazing Fugly Ugly Boy thing! He's so ugly, He's FUGLY!"

"Wow! That man's sad attempt at conning me out of my money has just enticed me to see what he's talking about!" a random person exclaimed.

"As with me!" another random person agreed.

People started gathering around Naruto's cage.

"That was easy…" mumbled Cheapo, mildly surprised. "Okay, Eric. Got your mic on?"

"This piece of junk is so old and rusty a piece of paper rolled up into a ball would work even better than this thing probably ever could! I just hope I don't get an infection from the jagged edges of this thing!" Naruto exclaimed cheerfully.

Cheapo stared at Naruto. "Whatever. Just make sure no one feeds you." Cheapo jumped from behind the cage. "Okay everyone! He's amazingly ugly, and he can rap! Give it up for… THE AMAZING FUGLY UGLY BOY THING!"

The cloak swished over the cage revealing Naruto, scatting a well known beat.

"To the hip, the hop, the hippy to the hippy the hip hip hop you don't stop to drop, do the bang bang boogy, up the jump boogy to the boogie to the boogie the beat!"

"His rapping skills are as heavenly as his face is ugly!" a villager girl sighed.

"He's, really ugly, rite? I forgot to put my contacts in." Cheapo asked, squinting at Naruto.

"See what you her is not a test cause I'm rocking to the beat! See me and my crew, and my friends, we're gonna try, to move your feet! Cause my name, is Eric K. and I'd like to say Hello! To the white, to the black, the red and the brown, the purple, and yellow!"

And thus began Naruto's career as T.A.F.U.B.T., but all good things come to an end…

Naruto stood in front of his carnival mirror practicing his hook for the next show. "I'll take you to the CANDY SHOP! I'll let you lick the LOLLIPOP! Keep going, girl don't you STOP! Keep going 'till you hit the SPOT!... what spot?"

Cheapo barged into Naruto's room. "Amazing ugly fugly boy thing. We have to talk."

"Okay. But could you call me by my name? Amazing Ugly Fugly Boy Thing is really derogatory and I'm pretty sure it would be easier if you just called me Eric."

Cheapo blinked. 'Right. Anyway, my annoying wife called child labor laws on me. I can't keep you anymore."

Naruto looked surprised. "You have a wife?"

Cheapo scoffed. "I'm divorcing that witch… after I learn how to forge her signature… but anyway, you gotta go." Cheapo pushed Naruto out of the carnival tent. "BYE."

"Why does this feel familiar?"

So, how do you like this chapter? Constructive criticism would really help my fanfic career, although pointless reviews would be appreciated to. So review!

REVIEW! YOU MMMMMUUUUUSSSTTTTT!


	3. Can openers and escalades

After almost a 2 year hiatus, the phantom of the opera is back, boi! Hopefully you'll guys will get more laffs from this new installment. Review people! And thanks to all the people who have already review before. It's all thanks to you!

So Naruto left, blah, blah, blah, talented, cardboard box, blah, blah, blah, and then he went to Arabia.

The sultan of Arabia was a very twisted man.

"I'm very twisted! Ku ku ku…" Jiriaya cackled.

The sultan also had an advisor guy that came from somewhere.

"Representin'." Kakashi said, doing the West side sign.

Somehow that sultan and Naruto met, blah, blah, I don't remember, and then the sultan asked Naruto of a favor.

"How about I ask of you a favor?"

"Sure!" Naruto beamed. Who was this guy again?

"You seem like a smart boy. Since you're so fugly and deformed, of course."

"Uh huh, uh huh!" Naruto nodded his head vigorously.

"I want you to make a torture chamber for me. You see, sometimes people piss me off, and then I have to deal with them. You know, stick 'em in a chamber, maybe torture them or something… Rite, trusted advisor?"

"Oh yeah." Kakashi was just finishing his battle against the third gym leader in pokemon sapphire, on his GBA sp.

"There's only one problem… there's no torture chamber!"

"Uh huh!" Naruto craned his next to see Kakashi's pikachu do THE ULTIMATE ATTACK! But I won't tell you what it was tho. You're not worthy.

"So, I want you to make a torture chamber for me, okay?"

"Okay!"

Jiraya's plan was going smoothly. He couldn't help himself but laff. "Ku ku ku ku ku…."

Kakashi took his cue and joined in "ku ku ku ku ku ku…."

(both of them) "KU KU KU KU KU KU!"

Well Naruto didn't want to be left out! "KU kkuuu KUuu! Ku!

"Stop that."

It was dusk at the palace and Jiraya had ants in his pants. Really.

"Eric, did you finish the plans for the torture chamber, yet? These ants in my pants make me extremely impatient and irritable, you know."

Naruto glanced at his paper that he was supposed to be drawing his plans on. It was… blank.

"Uh…" Naruto quickly scribbled something on it. "BEHOLD!"

Jiraya's eyes lit up with utter excitement. "Ingenious! Absolute perfection! So simple, so original! Rite, trusted advisor?"

Kakashi jumped onto the scene from nowhere with his super trusted advisor skillz.

"rite."

"It's a can opener, rite?"

Naruto looked at his scribble. "Well, I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure it looks more like a potato than a can opener to me!"

"FOOL!" Jiriaya b#tched slapped Naruto. "This is _so_ a can opener. Rite, trusted advisor?"

Kakashi looked at the potato. It was truly, definitely a potato. "No doubt about it, your highness."

Jiriaya smirked. Of course it was a can opener.

"Finally, a torture device to put in a torture _chamber_! Man, I'm good."

"Truly off the heazy sir."

"Yes! Trusted advisor, take all the funds out of our current project and give them to this fugly boy for his project, and buy the boy a mask for goodness sake!" Jiriaya gagged momentarily because of glancing at Naruto's monstrous face.

Just then, one of Jiriaya's trusted advisors, but not as trusted and Kakashi, OF COURSE, came into the present scene.

"Did I just here that you were going to pull the funds from the current project? Because, as you know, that current project is mine!" accused Neji furiously. He was so furious.

Jiriaya rolled his eyes. "Trusted advisor, explain to this not-as-trusted- advisor _why_ I'm pulling his funds."

Kakashi was just a simple man. He liked to read, play pokemon, and go golfing on the weekends. He had a nice job, and a family of two. But sometimes, people just asked so much of him. How the hell was Kakashi suppose to know why he was pulling the funds?

"He just doesn't like you."

Neji was dumbfounded. "Um… Okay. But you're highness, how could you possible do this? I told, creating these escalades will make us the richest kingdom in the world!"

"FOOL! Why would we want to be the richest in the world when we have a torture chamber!" Jiriaya shook the potato sketch at him.

Kakashi had to draw the line there. "I'm going to have to draw the line there, your highness."

"SILENCE! GUARDS, TAKE THIS MAN TO THE TORTURE CHAMBER, NOW!"

Neji was dragged out of the room, but as his arms grew red in carpet burns, he sworn that one day, his escalades would be around the _world_. ONE DAY!

"What torture chamber?" Naruto asked, coloring in his potato.

Okay, first off, I just want to say I hope you guys liked this chapter. Just so you know, Neji was playing a made up character, but will become one of the opera buyers later in the story. For all of you wondering, I'm going by the book version of TPOTO (the phantom of the opera) but there might be some changes made, like added characters and such. And here's a list of all the characters and their roles:

Naruto- the Phantom

Sakura- Christine

Sasuke- Raoul (don't know how to spell it…)

Neji and Shikamaru- new opera owners

Ino- Cordelia

Tenten- Cristine's friend

(and other characters to come!)

So review the story if you like it, if you didn't like it, or if you have some suggestions! For any reason you want to review, all of them will be appreciated (but flames not so much). Thnx!


End file.
